Edtv (1999)

Reality Show Ideas

I don’t watch reality shows. I mean I have occasionally seen one or two of them. Maybe a snippet here or there when my roommates are watching one or a girl I’m seeing has it on. But I don’t really like them and find most of the ones I’ve seen to be geared towards allowing you to come home after a hard days work and watch other people suffer.

Choosing to spend my free time watching others be put through all manner of humiliation just seems so sadistic to me. I’d rather watch Bruce Willis blow up some bad guys or Tina Fey do … well, I’d watch Tina Fey do just about anything really.

My point is that Reality Television (which isn’t all that real when you think about how often the contestants are steered to fill roles that the producers need filled by the hacks in the editing room) isn’t any good.

But maybe there would be some reality shows you could talk me into watching.

- Live From Hedonism III: Just install hidden cameras in a bunch of hotel rooms, bars, beach cabanas, and pools. And once a week edit together the best bits. Put it on Cinemax or Showtime late at night and watch the ratings go through the roof.

- Save a Reality Star: Take people who have turned being on reality shows into a career and enroll them in a technical college. The “winner” is the one who graduates and gets a real fucking job.

- Alliance: Start with a group of fifty contestants and put them in a barren and unimaginable location (maybe a Strip Club that cares about their employees or a Green Party Campaign Headquarters in Alabama). The contestant that forms the fewest alliances wins the event. Because we all know that alliances never work and you always get stabbed in the back.

- General Electric Presents NBC’s “Product Placement Overload” brought to you by Budweiser - The King of Beers in association with The Gap: Six contestants are moved into a Keller Williams Home where they each are given their own personal product to push. The contestant that manages to get the most air time for their product without ever uttering the name of the product is crowned the winner. The early favorite for winner this season is the nice young girl selected to shill for Victoria’s Secret. Although many in the industry see a real push during sweeps for the shy young girl who received Dove’s All Moisturizing Body Wash as her product.

- Stuck in a Room with Carrot Top: Twelve people in a room with Carrot Top. The last one standing wins ear plugs and an eye mask to help make it stop. The beauty of this concept is each week you can change the “star” to whoever’s available. Clay Aiken, Rosie O’Donnell, the “Can You Hear Me Now” Guy … it can go on forever.

- Blatant Racism: Five minorities and one white guy travel across country in a bus to see who can be the worst stereotype for their race. The winner is awarded a brand new car. Unless it’s the Asian guy, because we all know he’ll just end up wrecking it.

- Whore!: Ten young women live together in Miami Beach and spend their nights out on the prowl for men. The winner is the lady who gets the most confirmed “scores” all the while they talk behind each others backs about how slutty the other girls are.

- Stud!: Same idea as the one above with the only difference that the genders have been reversed. Well that and viewers don’t seem to mind the fact that the guys sleep around more than the women and they’re more likely to help each other “score” with women. Oh, and the ratings aren’t as good.

- America’s Least Talented: Whoever can show up and display the very least amount of talent and still somehow find an audience with mainstream America is the winner. Celebrity Hosts this year are - Paris Hilton, Kevin Federline, Artie Lang, and Jewel (but mainly the part of her that writes poetry).

- Let’s Hunt Down & Kill Billy Ray Cyrus: God bless you Bill Hicks. It’s still a brilliant idea who’s time has come. And next season we’ll work on Ryan Seacrest.