Love Actually (2003)

I can’t live my life settling for anything less that what I need any longer.

I’ve spent to many hard nights thinking about the one that got away. And not enough time going out and finding the one that makes my heart feel like I think it might just pop out of my chest.

I can’t spend my days hoping for feelings that aren’t there from someone who‘s never going to give them to me. Because I know our lives are too short. Those lonely nights are far too long. And I know my heart’s been too empty all this time for anything less to suffice.

So this time I’m going to take my time. I’ll make sure that the hurt is through before I say those three little words. Those all powerful words that have healed and hurt and filled us all with so much of what makes life full.

I know I’m going to have to be more selective this time. Not give my feelings so quickly this time. I know I’m yet again rediscovering what it means to be in love. I know I need to explore what love even means to me this time.

So what is it that I want from love? We all want it, but what does that mean? What’s it that love gives us that makes us drunk with passion? What is it about love that feeds our souls? What is it we need from the love of another to survive?

Well I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what my heart needs over the last six months. I’ve really wondered what it means to be loved unconditionally. To be loved in a way that means more than those final scenes in your favorite love story. The happily ever after shouldn’t be a fairytale. What does it mean to have a love that lasts the hardships of a real relationship.

And I know a little more now than I did yesterday. And I’ll know more one tomorrow when love comes back into my life again. One day ... someday.

I know I want someone who thinks about me as often as I think about them. I know I need someone who knows how to live without me, but wouldn’t ever want to have to try it.

I need a love that understands that sometimes I just can’t help but try and fix it.

I need someone who likes me just the way I am. A love that thinks my imperfections are as endearing as the ones that make me feel closer to them. Someone who doesn’t ask me to change who I am because that’s who they fell in love with. A love that compels me everyday to try and be a better person for her and for myself.

I want someone who makes me feel like there’s no one else in the world for me. When they aren’t around I can’t help but scan the crowd for her. And when they walk into a room everything else just fades from my sight.

I want my best night of the week to be the one I sprawled across the couch watching the Tivo and doing nothing … with you.

I want a love that knows I have doubts from time to times and knows just what to say to make me forget all about them.

I want a love that doesn’t care what kind of car I drive as long as I’m driving to them.

I need a love that wakes me up in a cold sweat when I have a nightmare that it’s gone, and puts me safely back to sleep when I see her lying next to me in our bed.

I want a love that knows I’m respecting her when I open every door for her for the rest of her life.

I want a love that knows why Tuesday is my favorite day of the week.

I want a love that sings with me in the car even if she doesn’t know all the words. A love that smiles at me even when I can’t see her watching.

And when she closes her eyes and thinks of her perfect wedding day she can only see me standing beside her.

I want a love that needs a “girls night out” but can’t wait to come home and tell me all about it.

I want a love that would rather have my two left feet on the dance floor with her than anyone else.

You know the kind of love that keeps you up wondering how your dumb ass got so lucky. That keeps you awake some nights with just the anticipation of seeing her again.

I want a love that makes me plug in my phone so I can keep talking to her late into the night when we can‘t be near each other.

I deserve a love like that. We all do. We should settle for nothing less than the greatest love affair in our lives. We should hold onto that person that makes us know that there aren’t words enough to explain what we’re feeling in our hearts when we’re in love.

I need a love that falls for me every day. The kind of love that makes me fall for her every time I see her face. The kind of love I want to grow old with. The kind of love I can’t wait to plan every tomorrow to come with.

I know it’s out there. For all of us.